So it has been awhile, forgive me for dropping the ball and not recording this process better throughout the past few months. It is quite amazing what happens when you start to share your story with the whole world. The devil is quite good at bombarding you with doubts, fears and what ifs……he is not going to win.
My intent throughout this whole experience is to be real…..
So here we go….after my last blog entry I started to get very apprehensive. What am I doing? I am almost forty and have no experience beyond the gift God has given me to be doing this! (I need to stop saying this!) As vocals crept closer to happening I started backing away thinking I can’t do this. Fear started creeping in! I tried to hear God and get my groove back but to no avail… So I went to an amazing women’s retreat thinking finally I will hear something from Him. But nothing….all I could do was judge. I sat thinking to myself why did all these women have it so good growing up (complete lie and I totally know this). Why did I have to get the short end of the stick when it comes to lives and experiences?
Oh the pitiful poor me sin how I utterly loath you!!!!!
When we were leaving the retreat I was searching frantically to come out of it with something God was trying to tell me. Even waiting for my husband at Starbucks for two hours I was determined to hear Him. While writing my wise mother about what I had learned and experienced, He broke through or should I say opened my eyes. Sin (my judgmental spirit) blocked the revelation that I was mourning my past. I was grieving and had no idea I was. Working on my story had drudged up so many things I thought I had worked through already, but never truly grieved.
Grieving is a crucial step towards forgiveness, healing and freedom!
With this revelation I proceeded to weep like a baby in a little corner of Starbucks as I waited for my hubby. But it was such a freeing expression of sorrow. I could now go into the next phase of A Walk Through Me without the weight of my sin (judging spirit) and realizing it is okay to grieve the loss of a trauma free childhood. So into the vocal booth I went ready to finish off this part of my story. I say this part because I have a long life to live and I am not going to put the mic down anytime soon.
As a christian I am not infallible.
As a counselor I know each one of us has our own traumas, issues and weaknesses. I by no means want to or can judge who had it easier because we all live in a sinful world.
As an artist I will use the gift God has given me to spread true, Him, healing and hope.
A Walk Through Me is my story and I am but one of 6 billion people…my story is mine. Your story is yours. Our stories are very important. Through them God’s glory can be seen. When you have seen the Lord do amazing things there is no staying quiet.
I will not stay quiet. I will sing of His love forever!!!
Vocals are done, the album is being mixed and mastered as we speak, and now it is time to spread my story all for His glory! Stay tuned!!!