“Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do” (James 1:8).

There once was a girl named Anna, meaning merciful, she grew up very similar to me. She lived on a farm and was raised in the church and had two brothers. Her parents were also divorced. From a young age she believed and worshipped Jesus like a true child of God. That was actually her hobby. She loved to act out bible stories with her stuffed animals and talk about Jesus to her friends. At a young age she started singing in front of church and even had a lead in the school school Christmas musical. Anna accepted Christ at a young age and made it her goal to spread His Word. Her mom would do daily devotions with her and her brothers before school and on most weekends.

When Anna was twelve she got to join her church teen singing group run by her uncle. She had quite the passion for singing. Singing made her feel important and free. This was such an exciting time in her life. Her mom had just gotten a divorce from a not so nice stepdad and she was now going to get to use her gift of singing in a grand display. She was so excited to be part of a group that would share the word of God through song. One of the first weekends she was gone with the group, she met other kids her age who also loved the Lord and wanted to share it through their gifts. As a boy crazy girl Anna fell for one much older boy in the group. He was a strong boy of God and was so kind and innocent to her. Through being a member of this singing group Anna surrounded herself with other Godly girls and boys. They got to experience what it meant to service Christ. They traveled around to different states like California, Colorado, Nevada, Texas and Arizona.

One of the first mission trips they did in the summer was in Juarez, Mexico. Being on the border of Texas, Juarez is one of them most dangerous border towns in Mexico. Anna and the group spent one week in Juarez. They slept in a local church on the floor or the pews. It was a run down rickety church with a hose for a shower. During the night you could hear screams coming from the teens who had roaches crawling on their faces as they slept. Anna soaked up the experience, didn’t matter how many roaches roamed on her while sleeping. The team spend their days building a local church in the poorest parts of Mexico. This wasn’t work for wimps it involved a lot of lifting, mixing concrete and getting dirty. At night the church would feed them and they would end the night singing praises to God and worshiping with local families and parishioners.

As a reward Anna’s uncle always prepared a down time before headed back to our homes after these mission trips. The most memorable times for Anna was walking along the beach of Mexico with her friends and flirting with the boys she had befriended in the group. Anna got to experience a whole other side to life when she went on these trips. She saw the poverty of the children she would work with in the vacation bible schools they would hold. She got to visit with families who had nothing only a little shack for a home and dirty clothes to wear. But they always had a smile on their faces. They would take what they had in their house to eat and cook something up to share with us every time the group would be in their homes.

This taught Anna humility and the beauty of God in the midst of extreme poverty and hardship. As Anna grew and continued to take these mission trips she got to experience God’s grace through the people she would stay with through different churches from different states. She also got to experience life from a whole different perspective, one that most teenagers do not get to see. This helped her to take what she was learning and bring it out in her everyday life. She was known in high school for her faith. People would always comment about how she was a good church girl. Anna took pride in this and was proud that others saw her as a Godly girl.

This girl Anna was actually me. Her life is my parallel life. From before I can remember I lived two lives; one went on mission trips and worshipped God and the other smoked pot and got attention any way she could. It was almost like there was a demon on one side of my shoulder and an angel on the other side. I was a wonderful hypocrite. I knew how to juggle a life of sin and a life of sacrifice. I knew all the right words and at the same time all the manipulation tricks to get what I wanted or needed. My relationship with God was one of trueness but at the same time complete hypocrisy. Looking back I cringe to see how I lived a double life. It was almost as if I was split and couldn’t decide how to be just one person.

The song Tip Toe is one dear to my heart. It reminds me to keep walking toward Him, no more tip toeing between lives. Here is a secret….I wrote this song as a rap! My other side loved rap growing up, actually I still do but now I listen to people like NF and Trip Lee who speak truth in their music. I wised up though and turned it into a song instead….a rap career is not something I think I should pursue. This song also really portraying my humor, who else would add the word Homies! I have to say that was challenge….thank you hhoa!

Lyrics to Tip Toe

Verse

Looking back all I can see

Was me walking contrary

Living life on a whim

Each mistake made me numb to Him

Chilling with my homies

Unable to see my hypocrisy

I walked through life

Free as free can be

Chorus

Until that day it finally dawned on me

That Jesus meant for me to be free

So Goodbye old, and Hello new

Never again will I run from You

Verse

Walking parallel you could find me

Giving praise seeming wholeheartedly

Hanging with the Jesus people

Pretending while under the steeple

I knew truth, life, conformity

I knew faith, darkness, and the enemy

You watched me walk back and forth

And still you called me north

Chorus

Until that day it finally dawned on me

That Jesus meant for me to be free

So Goodbye old, and Hello new

Never again will I run from You

Bridge:

Tip toeing through life, from one side to another x2

Verse

Yes my yes was never really yes

And yes my no was never really no

Found myself following to and fro

Always preforming a show

Really, really, really never again

I would say only to do it another day

I was caught up and sought all the wrong things

in spite of Your light shining on me

Chorus

Until that day it finally dawned on me

That Jesus meant for me to be free

So Goodbye old, and Hello new

Never again will I run from You

Outro

So goodbye old, and hello new

Never again will I run from you

Copyright © 2016, Rachel Moore | Andrew Moore