You Matter…..Here is why

You Matter is the one song in my album that is straight from the perspective of God. For so many years after the abuse I wanted to die. I would imagine it all the time….just not waking up, stopping my breath with a pillow, choking myself and so on. I hated me. I hated my thoughts, feelings, the way I looked, the way my life was….I hated everything about me.

You Matter is a song from God to me and now to you. His love for us is unending….never did I truly understand this until the moment after I tried to commit suicide. I picked myself up off the floor, and went into my bedroom only to have a little tiny life crawl on my lap. My son, who I was just horribly mean to, crawled on my lap and hugged me. His unconditional show of love helped me finally see God’s unconditional love. Never before that moment did I understand it.

So many times we walk through life feeling alone, invisible and lost. God promises He is always here with us, so we should not be afraid. This is a reminder that we all need to hang on to. Even when we can’t hear or feel Him He is with us. His desire for us, and I mean each one of us is for beauty, happiness and wholeness. Wholeness in Him! Each one of the lives on earth matter. Not just one or the other, each life. That is why we are all still here; His desire is for all people to come to Him. “That’s how it is with your Father in heaven. He doesn’t want any of these little ones to be lost” (Matthew 18:14).

There are so many voices out there yelling you do not matter, but He is adamant that YOU do matter! The little things you may not see around you are proof. Think about it…..the moments when you feel so lost and alone and then there is a knock on your door. Or the time you just need a sign and a little hummingbird fly’s right up to your face and just sits there…..ok I know this doesn’t happen all the time but God has shown His love like this to me more then once. Sunsets, a cloud filled glorious sky, the kindness of others at the most difficult moments, the love of an animal when people seem to fail you, the peace you feel when walking through the woods; there are so many ways that God shows His love for us. His creation is only the start of how He shows us.

Start looking around to see His goodness. Start seeing yourself through God’s eyes. He sees the hurt, pain, loss, confusion, and shame. He sees how it got there. He understands. He understood the sin put upon me. He understood my shame and why I felt compelled to end it. He knows my pain. He knows your pain. He is the only therapy, help and answer for healing this pain. Jesus is the greatest physician!

Don’t you end what He began, because what He makes is beautiful!!!! What sin destroys is only temporary. Jesus can make you whole! Suicide is not the answer. Suicide allows the hurt or the person who hurt you to win. Don’t allow this! You matter! You matter to Him and you matter to me. You matter to your family, friends, and even your future family and friends.

Verse

Come little one,

with broken dreams

Come little one,

Who feels they are not seen

Chorus

You my child, my child.

not fear for I am here

Reach, Reach out your hand.

I will hold you near

Verse

You see your brokenness.

I see your beauty

You see your chains

I see you being free

Chorus

You my child, my child.

Do not fear for I am here

Reach, Reach out your hand

I will hold you near

Bridge

Don’t you end what I began in you.

love for you will never end

Verse

There is so much more.

To life then you may see

Don’t let your pain win

Take what I am offering

Verse

Cast, cast all your cares…

On me I will set you free

For, for your life matters…

your life matters to me

Chorus

You my child, my child

Do not fear for I am here

Reach, Reach out your hand

I will hold you near

Behind the song Life Goes On

For some reason life did not stop the day I gained a big gray cloud of depression and loss of myself. It just kept going. We ended up moving to Arizona not long after and soon after that my parents divorced. By this time I had learned how to just keep swimming through life. Life Goes On is song about how life keeps moving forward even when you are not ready for it.

Life Goes On

Verse

Life at thirteen had me questioning everything

Even the faith like a child that once made me sing

Questions like Who am I, why am I, what am I

So many wonderings and no one answering

By the time I hit the ripe old age of 13 I questioned so much of what I thought I knew. My mind was so distorted. I started drinking and experimenting with drugs by this time to numb the pain I had inside. The questions I had of who was I, why would God put me on this earth and what was I…..was I even alive. I had so much confusion and was to afraid to ask for help, honestly I didn’t even understand that that would have been an option.

Chorus

Still Life goes on and on and on

Even when we can’t go beyond Life goes on

It goes on and on and on and on….Life goes on

Life kept going on though even when I wanted to jump off the roof of a house where I found myself stumbling on top of….life kept going on. How could it not stop with me? Why couldn’t people see I was hurting.

Verse

Disappointments, unbelief, and insecurities

Seemed to follow me

All that energy used so carelessly

Creates a life of monotony

As a teen I thought I was indestructible, I think most of them do. I took chances then I would never take now…well I think I would end up breaking something if I tried the things I did back then thanks to time. Along with the risks came the same bad choices a confused, lost girl would make. Life was not stopping for me so I just went with it, wasting time. Making choices that got me into so much trouble and only increased the pain I had.

Chorus

Still Life goes on and on and on

Even when we can’t go beyond Life goes on

It goes on and on and on and on..Life goes on

Verse

I searched, I found, and still strived to find my ground

Time and time He showed me grace….

But you could not see it in my faith

Until that day I laid me down was I found

Don’t get me wrong I knew truth from the time I was 3 years old. I grew up in the church actually I come from 4 generations of Nazarene’s. I tended to ignore truth and keep walking over the edge of reason because I was determined to live a double life….which I get more into in my song Tip Toe.

Looking back I can now see how as a teen I was so self adsorbed not in the sense of look at me, look at me; but don’t look at me because you will see hypocrisy, ugliness and girl who wanted to just be gone. Both are pride….this took me years of working through things to figure out. Once I laid myself down and saw myself through the eyes of Jesus things became much more clear.

Outro

Life went on and on and on

Even when I could not go beyond life went on

It went on and on and on and on…life goes on

I grew, I walked, I fell down

But you were there reminding me it is we…ll

it is well…. with me.

All the ugliness that I saw, all the pain I went through, all the choices I made throughout my younger years were the result of the pain put on me and sin itself. Jesus saw this! He saw what I was doing to myself, He understood why. He has made so much beauty come from all the mess of pain! I now see myself through His eyes not my own. So it is well with me.

Behind my most difficult song to write…Little Light

The song Little Light is a hard one for me…..so I will take a different approach to tell you where this song came from. I will list the lyrics and give you a little behind the scenes as to where this stemmed from. I would like to let you know this may trigger you (as a counselor I need to add this). I know there are so many of us out there who have walked this path so please take care when reading this.

My light shined bright until that day

The day when my little light was taken away

My world fell apart, my life got rough

All I could do was try to stay tough”

The above verse is explained like this…… The little light that once existed was snuffed out the day I was sexually abused by someone I trusted at 5 years old. That day I felt the light I used to have die out. From that point on I became depressed, confused and well life was tough and I tried my hardest to try for normal.

Chorus

“Little light come back and rescue me

Undo the hurt put upon me

Show your light so I can see

The one who came to save me…..”

The chorus describes my search and longing for the light to come back. I spent so many years waiting to be saved from the anger, confusion, well for the sin to be taken away. Not my sin but the sin put upon me by the one who abused me.

“I felt so alone, dark and unfree

Unable to see what it meant to be me

My world got old, My thoughts were sold

All I could do was cry out for you…

Cry out for you………”

Something happened that day sexual sin was introduced into my life. I felt alone, all I wanted to do was die. I would lay in bed asking Jesus to take me to him to live. I didn’t understand how to be a free, carefree girl anymore. My thoughts were sold to the thoughts of sexually explicit things as a 1st grader! No one should have to experience that or even understand the things I understood at that age.

From that point on I was changed

Life was now always strange

I saw myself as nobody

Not even worthy of being me”

Unable to have the innocence a child should have at a young age my personality and freeness changed. Life seemed always strange, like I was on the outside looking in. I hated myself and felt unworthy of happiness and goodness. The guilt I felt was so heavy for me to bear, totally understandable of course when I look back. But I did not want my family to know and just kept all the craziness inside.

Why is it that people can not see

How they can destroy the me that was me”

Throughout the years God has done so much in me and the healing He has done is brilliant! This ending verse describes my frustration and plea for not only the one who abused me but the abusers of this world. They are destroying us! They take away something that can be given back. Yes we can heal, thank God, but the innocence can never be reestablished on this side of heaven. I realize the one who abused me was probably abused herself, there is no excuse though for her to hurt someone the same way. Sexual abuse is detestable!!!! It destroys, corrupts and brings such heartache to the victim!

Little light come back back and rescue me

Lord shine your light so I can see

The one who came to save me”

In the ending plea of this song it describes my heart cry during the 30 years of depression, suicidal ideation and anxiety I suffered because of the abuse I experienced. I wanted the light, His light back.

Now His light has come back and the crazy thing is it never left. I was just so blinded by the hurt, confusion that I could not feel Him. If you listen to the rest of the album and discover what happens in the end you will see why I am telling my story. Ugly truth and all He called me to tell my story to give the world courage to no longer stay quiet about sexual abuse. No one should have to live in the darkness someone else caused. NEVER! There is freedom so keep listening.

*If you are reading this and have been abused in any way; emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually – seek help! Don’t live in the darkness created for you, then they would win. They do not deserve to win. Find a counselor, pastor or online abuse hotline that can start the path to healing. Focus on the Family has a counseling hotline full of trustworthy, Godly people to talk too (855-771-HELP). But most importantly hold on to hope, hold on to Jesus He fights hard for us.

Behind the Song – Fairytale Life

A Walk Through Me was written to share my story so I wanted to follow up with explaining each song. So here you go in this blog post I will be explaining Fairytale Life.

Now……. Close your eyes and imagine green hills, farm land for miles and a quaint little white farm house under the bright blue sky. There lived a vivacious little girl. She was a beautiful, blonde haired girl full of spontaneity, curiosity and wonder. Most days you could find her laying in the grass looking up to the clouds pointing out the shapes she could see. She lived in a fairytale land full of green rolling hills and luscious trees full of apples, peaches, and berry bushes. The rows and rows of corn were neatly lined throughout the fields with tall stalks. This land was in a small amish town in the center of Ohio bursted with life and calmness.

Her days were filled with running through the woods playing hide and seek with her brothers. Or she would be taking long walks with her mom and grandma picking black berries. The scariest part of her days were the times her and her brothers would explore the barn and see eyes of cats glowing in dark corners. She loved life. She lived to be the center of things either at church or at home. When she woke up in the morning, till she went to sleep she was trying to entertain those around her. She was born a social butterfly and loved being around people. From the amish in their buggies, to her neighbors who would invite her over when they were canning; she soaked each experience in.

People had a huge part in her life helping her see it from many sides as much as a little girl could. Her mom ended up putting her into an Amish kindergarten early to fill her need for friends and people. It didn’t matter that she couldn’t understand most of what she was learning and the new language she was hearing for this little girl the best part of school was being with other kids. This was me…..As a little girl I saw life from a different light. When I look back at my early childhood it seems fairytale perfect. I call these my innocent years. Living on a farm was slow paced and eventful. I got to experience the milking of cows and the chicken running with its head cut off. There is a beauty about farm life that can not be written about in words; to fully understand it it should be experienced. The peace and tranquility it brings is unfathomable. We got to see where are food came from and learn how it was grown. All the while waking up to the sound of birds chirping and cows mooing. Oddly enough till this day I love the smell of manure. It’s amazing how a smell can bring you back to either good memories or bad. Manure for me always produces good memories.

My family came from a long line of children’s ministers, pastors, choir directors, and elders of the church. You could say I was destined to be a good, God fearing young women. From before I can remember I was in the church. You could find me singing through the microphone or in Sunday school soaking in the stories of the Bible. I fondly remember the cassette tapes we would make for my great grandmother with me preaching to her and closing with a song about Jesus. I believed from an early age that Jesus died for me. That He was my savior and that I was going to go to heaven if I did things right and listened to the ten commandments.

As a family we lived like any normal good Christian family. My grandparents lived nearby and owned a large dairy farm. These were my moms parents and were wonderful God fearing people. Every Sunday after church we went to a friends house for a big scrumptious Sunday dinner. In the eighties people still invited other people over for dinner after church for fellowship and worship; this is uncommon today. We would spend most of our Sundays after church doing this or just taking the day off for rest and play time. Most other days where spent with my grandparents on their farm or walking the hills. My grandma had the most amazing operatic voice. She was once asked to study in New York but she chose to marry my grandpa instead. She never regretted that decision and loved that man with oh so much love. My grandpa worked hard and spent most of his time in the fields or with the cows. He was quite most of the time but so secretly silly.

My other grandparents, from my dad’s side, visited often and were tucked into the hillside of beautiful West Virginia and good Christian people. My grandpa was coal miner with a rough past but who found the Lord in his thirties and later became a Nazarene pastor. My grandma said it like it is was but still exuded her nickname, Love. Now my grandma from my moms side also comes from the same little West Virginia town. This meaning my mom and dad were fourth cousins which we later put together thanks to genealogy websites. I loved my grandfather. Well I loved both sets of grandparents more then they ever knew, but my dad’s dad always made me feel loved and special. He understood me from the beginning. We would sit on his rickety porch swing singing Amazing Grace for hours when we were together. He was rarely unable to make me smile and he put the hill into hillbilly. Moonshine and all my roots are deep within the West Virginia mountains. Till this day I can drive through this town and run into distant cousins or aunts and uncles.

Fairytale Life

“A little girl made to sing, praise and be free

A little girl who had no clue

About a world without you, this was me……”

Behind the song The Search

Everyone from the beginning of time has been searching for something or someone bigger then them. There is a natural pull to this ‘thing’ from birth. A newborn baby comes out crying, needing. Totally helpless the newborn continues to cry until comforted by its mother or father. The baby needs the connection, comfort and sense of attachment. What happens when it doesn’t recieve this love; the child will more then likely have failure to thrive and in extreme cases death is the result. It is obvious that even from birth we need something besides the obvious food, water, clothing, safe place, ect. Even with the basics a child will not continue to thrive without connection. For example take a child who is born to loving parents who come from a stable background and are financially set for life. And then you have a child who was put into an orphanage at birth and sits in thier crib 22 hours of the day never being touched, loved or shown attention. Which child is going to thrive to the fullest in life? Money is not the problem even the most poor people anywhere can give thier children one thing that money can not buy. The main thing we humans need to live is LOVE. So our search from birth is to find this source of life giving love.

This most sought after ‘thing’ can be seen in many cultures. Egyptians search led them to many different gods and goddesses such as Ra, Nut, Seth, and Geb. The gods provided them with the foods, clothing, relationships, everything you can think of the Egyptians had a god for. These gods were made of silver, gold, bronze, wood, paper, a person, a feeling, a sound, really anything you can think of. After the Egyptian gods came, the Indian gods and the gods of China. Again they provided thier followers with a since of being, instruction and self significance if they followed thier gods as instructed. Along with these gods came the demon gods who’s purpose was to frighten obedience to their all powerful gods and goddesses.

Time went on to produce thousands upon thousands of gods of different cultures some of these were; Greek gods, Mayan gods that called for human sacrifices, Hinduism, Buddism, Confucionism, Aztec gods, and Native American gods which are also numerous. Each culture was searching for something bigger them themselves. Someone or something to guide them, help them, make them, know them, understand them, and lead them. Each god that they made filled a purpose in their lives, they helped them feel complete. Do you see that? There was an emptiness from the birth of humanity that these cultures desperately tried to fill with their many gods. Why? Because of the ‘thing’ that was missing.

Today’s gods may look a little different but we are still making the same sacrifices to them. The gods of today are money, sex, drugs, people, feelings, self absorption, places, things, and the list again goes on and on. We reason with ourselves to provide ourselves with excuses as to why we need these things to fill our lives. But still something is missing. Can you honestly say that once you got that new house your felt full? Or once you made a million dollars you felt this hole close up and now felt whole? In my experience the answer is no. That emptiness is still there maybe it is harder to notice but it is still sitting in the bottom of your heart festering, waiting for something, someone. The point is we are all from the time we are born searching for the hole we feel inside to be filled.

Our search for that ‘thing’ that is missing since birth causes us to seek out anything that fills that missing thing or hole in our being. It is hard to live with the hole in our being because it causes unassuredness, fear, aimlessness, powerlessness, and loneliness. The hole was not always there though. Humanity once had this hole or thing in them filled; only at one point in history though. Once sin entered the world shame, fear, helplessness and the big black hole took the place of the oneness we once had. This wholeness only came from one God, the one true God!

This brings me to the meaning behind the song The Search. Just like all humans I sought after a god. I searched for something to fill that hole or emptiness. My story is important because it is not only my story but I share this story with the one person who walked with me through it all. Its a story that shows struggle, lostness, pride, determination, love, and finally surrender. We all have a story. We all have a path to find the one true answer to that age old questions of who am I, why am I, what’s the point? My story answers these questions and hopefully will provide you with that hope that we all search for from the beginning of our being.

“You are the one I have been searching for….you are the one I need…..”

-RM

There she goes!

Thank you, Thank you to all of you who have listened, purchased and shared our music I am honored and so thrilled!

I was asked yesterday if I was excited to get this album out….I proceeded to say “honestly it just feels like another day”. This is all a bit surreal. Never did I imagine doing this. Sure I wanted to be a singer growing up…what little girl didn’t want that. But never did I think God would call me to write, sing and tell my story to the world. This friend then went on to point out that this day should be celebrated and be marked in the calendar as the day God’s plan became known to the world. This helped me realize something…… the Bible is full of man’s life stories; God called them and wrote through them because He knew we needed to hear their stories.

They are filled with ups, downs and all arounds just like our lives. Sure God could have wrote the whole Bible without using Moses, David, Paul and so on……but He did not. Why? Because without the human side to His word it would be above our heads. Well at least mine…I need to hear how someone failed, how they succeeded, what they did through the guilt, how they turned things around and how their faith carried them through. He knew this and so proceeded to use the men and women of our history to write their (His and their) stories.

(Oh wow I need to dust my van!)

So I celebrate 🎉 this day. I celebrate what God will do through our story…who He will reach and how He will encourage. This is His. A Walk Through Me is so much more than me. So as you listen through the songs and as I continue to add to this blog and give you more meaning to the songs….ask God about your story. How can your story impact someone you know? How can God use you?

If you are reading this let me know…..😆 -Rachel

Expect the unexpected….

This album, A Walk Through Me, has been a lifetime in the making but when God called me to write my story I thought sure ok. Never did I think I would be putting it out to the world and as music!?

But here we go…….it releases very soon and I am a bit scared!

(The above picture is a little sneak peek at the cover of the album)

Andrew and I started this project about two years ago….we are total newbies at it but Creative Soul Records, Eric Copeland was awesome enough to take us on and produce my story.

Since this began I have said that being real is my thing, so I want to give you some insights into this story making process…..things I have learned and things we will do different next time around (we have already started album two).

Things I have learned –

* The music business is difficult and very expensive!

* There are so many amazing musicians out there. Everyone of them have their own calling and story to share.

* Not every critique is a criticism (I used to fall apart at feedback, not anymore).

* When God gives you a vision for something, DO IT….what He does with it after you have followed through is His not yours. (Excited to see who our story touches).

* Your first album will only be the beginning….the more you start to do it, love it and produce from there only gets better. (Andrew and I have already come up with more songs to share with the world….).

* People will never have the same passion you have for your music….but that is ok!

* Social media is so flippant….someone may follow you one day and the next they are gone! (Not a fan of social media but it is a great tool to be heard). +++++Anyone out there want to take over my social media for me!?

* Videos are the new thing for being heard…something I need to work on. +++Again anyone want to help with this?

* Finally, photo shoots are a lot less stressful with random silly shots!

IMG_2657

(Above picture- The wonderful Shelia King (https://www.sheilakingphotography.com) puts up with a lot when she photographs me!!!)

 

So there you go so much learned and so much to learn! Artist wise I am not in it for the glory, money (I make $0), or recognition; I do this because I love music, I love Jesus and when those two loves mix WOWSER you have some amazing music and way to reach people for Him!

So world get those earphones ready you are about to experience life in Rachel’s brain…bah ahaha!

-RM

Working out the kinks…

So it has been awhile, forgive me for dropping the ball and not recording this process better throughout the past few months.  It is quite amazing what happens when you start to share your story with the whole world.  The devil is quite good at bombarding you with doubts, fears and what ifs……he is not going to win.

My intent throughout this whole experience is to be real…..

So here we go….after my last blog entry I started to get very apprehensive.  What am I doing? I am almost forty and have no experience beyond the gift God has given me to be doing this! (I need to stop saying this!)  As vocals crept closer to happening I started backing away thinking I can’t do this.  Fear started creeping in!  I tried to hear God and get my groove back but to no avail…  So I went to an amazing women’s retreat thinking finally I will hear something from Him.  But nothing….all I could do was judge.  I sat thinking to myself why did all these women have it so good growing up (complete lie and I totally know this).   Why did I have to get the short end of the stick when it comes to lives and experiences?

Oh the pitiful poor me sin how I utterly loath you!!!!!

When we were leaving the retreat I was searching frantically to come out of it with something God was trying to tell me.  Even waiting for my husband at Starbucks for two hours I was determined to hear Him.  While writing my wise mother about what I had learned and experienced, He broke through or should I say opened my eyes.  Sin (my judgmental spirit) blocked the revelation that I was mourning my past.  I was grieving and had no idea I was.  Working on my story had drudged up so many things I thought I had worked through already, but never truly grieved.

Grieving is a crucial step towards forgiveness, healing and freedom!

With this revelation I proceeded to weep like a baby in a little corner of Starbucks as I waited for my hubby.  But it was such a freeing expression of sorrow.  I could now go into the next phase of A Walk Through Me without the weight of my sin (judging spirit) and realizing it is okay to grieve the loss of a trauma free childhood.  So into the vocal booth I went ready to finish off this part of my story.  I say this part because I have a long life to live and I am not going to put the mic down anytime soon.

As a christian I am not infallible.

As a counselor I know each one of us has our own traumas, issues and weaknesses.   I by no means want to or can judge who had it easier because we all live in a sinful world.

As an artist I will use the gift God has given me to spread true, Him, healing and hope.

A Walk Through Me is my story and I am but one of 6 billion people…my story is mine.  Your story is yours.  Our stories are very important.  Through them God’s glory can be seen.  When you have seen the Lord do amazing things there is no staying quiet.

I will not stay quiet.  I will sing of His love forever!!!

Vocals are done, the album is being mixed and mastered as we speak, and now it is time to spread my story all for His glory!  Stay tuned!!!

 

 

 

Broken bodied but singing on…

I had the honor in serving on the worship team a few weeks ago, one of my most favorite things to do in the whole world actually. I love standing up and watching  everyone sing to the Lord and just worship. There is something about music that gives you a freedom that nothing else could ever compare to.  On with my story….so as we were finishing up our set and it came time to do my solo part of a beautiful hymn which I have sang many times ……I opened my mouth and forgot all the words and how to read them so I  fumbled through my part and pushed on (only my boys noticed 🙂 but Ugh!

1-0 broken body is in the lead!

For those of you that don’t know, and I don’t make this known often, I have POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). A silly little thing that causes me to pass out from blood pressure changes, to have a constant lack of O2 which causes cognitive delays and at times obvious memory loss on simple everyday things like reading or things I once memorized. POTS usually has a parent cause and that is Mast Cell Disease for me. Basically I am allergic to everything and my cells produce way to much histamine causing my body to attack itself with flushing, blood pressure changes, anaphylaxis and a variety of other things.  All that to say my word recognition was gone by the time my solo part came up.   Something I love so much proves to be so difficult.

So why did God call me to tell my story through song? Good question. All I can come up with is that He is doing it for me. He is my strength.   Yes, I can only sing for 20-30 minutes a day before my body doesn’t cooperate anymore leaving me exhausted and needing to put my feet up in the air to get my breath back.  And yes, I ask myself did He call the wrong person to do this along with the other array of questions I seem to sometimes scream out?

But, as I rewrite and iron out all the songs that will encompass my A Walk Through Me album, I am quite speechless. I may not be the strongest, most amazing performer, or even the most wonderful song writer but that is not the intent. The intent is to share my testimony to the other broken people of this world. To give hope to the broken in body, mind and spirit.  Don’t get me wrong I would love if He would heal my body and allow me to be well enough to share this with the masses, but right now I am limited.

…….I wonder if I wasn’t so limited I wouldn’t need His strength, His power and Him as much. If that’s the case I will walk broken bodied till He gives me my new one just so people know it is Him that makes me, moves me and continues to use me.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” -Romans 8:28

Reflection on the past year (2017)

“We have no right to judge where we should be put, or to have preconceived notions as to what God is fitting us for. God engineers everything; wherever He puts us, our one great aim is to pour out a whole-hearted devotion to Him in that particular work. “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.” My Utmost for His Highest, April 23, 773 L”.

As I sat and read this tonight, before I sat down to write this I was thinking, “ok I need to get on my blog and write something so inspirational, amazing, and thoughtful to wrap up this years experience”.  I want so badly to impress those of you who actually read this, so I try really hard to come up with just the right words and structure.

…..But then I read my favorite devotional and well it was a kick in the pants!

Impressing you with my blogging skills (which are lacking) is not what He calls me to do; sharing my story all for His glory is.  So as I refocus from this much needed reminder from God, here is my year in review:

*Brought our daughter home from India (actually that was Oct. 2016)

*Answered His call to start telling my story through music (hence Music by Rachel Moore)

*Experienced rejection beyond what our humanness can understand but I am coming out of it understanding just how much God loves us even though we fight, push and try to keep away from Him.

*Put our kids back in public school after years of homeschooling

*Started feeling  my age creep up by realizing I can no longer take it when my kids put something right up in my face to look at (I can’t see that well that close up anymore).  Many other subtle changes too but I don’t want to all list my almost forty glories on my blog…….

*Survived the first year with five kids which includes now two teenagers!!!! Might I add I am still sane…..most of the time!

*Discovered that I no longer have patience to argue things that are really not important to the grand scheme of life….trying to focus more of His grand scheme instead of the worlds.

There is so much more but I might not have anything else to blog about in the upcoming months if I go on.  So in conclusion this has been an amazing year, one with tears, fears, so much cheer.   I can tell you this I would have never in my wildest imagination ever could have thought He would have called me to sing, let alone share my story through our music.  Never!

I can tell you this that as the year of 2018 creeps up on us I know without a shadow of a doubt I will wholehearted devote my songs to Him…..despite my own doubts, my critiques words, and satan’s unrelenting nagging to just give up!  The Lord has put me here; I will serve Him without fear!!

Let me leave you with this beautiful family New Year’s picture compliments of my brother’s superior shopping skills! Thanks Caleb!

 

One more thing – What will you do this coming year?  Follow the world’s view of success or His plan for you?