Thank you, Thank you to all of you who have listened, purchased and shared our music I am honored and so thrilled!

I was asked yesterday if I was excited to get this album out….I proceeded to say “honestly it just feels like another day”. This is all a bit surreal. Never did I imagine doing this. Sure I wanted to be a singer growing up…what little girl didn’t want that. But never did I think God would call me to write, sing and tell my story to the world. This friend then went on to point out that this day should be celebrated and be marked in the calendar as the day God’s plan became known to the world. This helped me realize something…… the Bible is full of man’s life stories; God called them and wrote through them because He knew we needed to hear their stories.

They are filled with ups, downs and all arounds just like our lives. Sure God could have wrote the whole Bible without using Moses, David, Paul and so on……but He did not. Why? Because without the human side to His word it would be above our heads. Well at least mine…I need to hear how someone failed, how they succeeded, what they did through the guilt, how they turned things around and how their faith carried them through. He knew this and so proceeded to use the men and women of our history to write their (His and their) stories.

(Oh wow I need to dust my van!)

So I celebrate 🎉 this day. I celebrate what God will do through our story…who He will reach and how He will encourage. This is His. A Walk Through Me is so much more than me. So as you listen through the songs and as I continue to add to this blog and give you more meaning to the songs….ask God about your story. How can your story impact someone you know? How can God use you?

If you are reading this let me know…..😆 -Rachel

This album, A Walk Through Me, has been a lifetime in the making but when God called me to write my story I thought sure ok. Never did I think I would be putting it out to the world and as music!?

But here we go…….it releases very soon and I am a bit scared!

(The above picture is a little sneak peek at the cover of the album)

Andrew and I started this project about two years ago….we are total newbies at it but Creative Soul Records, Eric Copeland was awesome enough to take us on and produce my story.

Since this began I have said that being real is my thing, so I want to give you some insights into this story making process…..things I have learned and things we will do different next time around (we have already started album two).

Things I have learned –

* The music business is difficult and very expensive!

* There are so many amazing musicians out there. Everyone of them have their own calling and story to share.

* Not every critique is a criticism (I used to fall apart at feedback, not anymore).

* When God gives you a vision for something, DO IT….what He does with it after you have followed through is His not yours. (Excited to see who our story touches).

* Your first album will only be the beginning….the more you start to do it, love it and produce from there only gets better. (Andrew and I have already come up with more songs to share with the world….).

* People will never have the same passion you have for your music….but that is ok!

* Social media is so flippant….someone may follow you one day and the next they are gone! (Not a fan of social media but it is a great tool to be heard). +++++Anyone out there want to take over my social media for me!?

* Videos are the new thing for being heard…something I need to work on. +++Again anyone want to help with this?

* Finally, photo shoots are a lot less stressful with random silly shots!

IMG_2657

(Above picture- The wonderful Shelia King (https://www.sheilakingphotography.com) puts up with a lot when she photographs me!!!)

 

So there you go so much learned and so much to learn! Artist wise I am not in it for the glory, money (I make $0), or recognition; I do this because I love music, I love Jesus and when those two loves mix WOWSER you have some amazing music and way to reach people for Him!

So world get those earphones ready you are about to experience life in Rachel’s brain…bah ahaha!

-RM

So it has been awhile, forgive me for dropping the ball and not recording this process better throughout the past few months.  It is quite amazing what happens when you start to share your story with the whole world.  The devil is quite good at bombarding you with doubts, fears and what ifs……he is not going to win.

My intent throughout this whole experience is to be real…..

So here we go….after my last blog entry I started to get very apprehensive.  What am I doing? I am almost forty and have no experience beyond the gift God has given me to be doing this! (I need to stop saying this!)  As vocals crept closer to happening I started backing away thinking I can’t do this.  Fear started creeping in!  I tried to hear God and get my groove back but to no avail…  So I went to an amazing women’s retreat thinking finally I will hear something from Him.  But nothing….all I could do was judge.  I sat thinking to myself why did all these women have it so good growing up (complete lie and I totally know this).   Why did I have to get the short end of the stick when it comes to lives and experiences?

Oh the pitiful poor me sin how I utterly loath you!!!!!

When we were leaving the retreat I was searching frantically to come out of it with something God was trying to tell me.  Even waiting for my husband at Starbucks for two hours I was determined to hear Him.  While writing my wise mother about what I had learned and experienced, He broke through or should I say opened my eyes.  Sin (my judgmental spirit) blocked the revelation that I was mourning my past.  I was grieving and had no idea I was.  Working on my story had drudged up so many things I thought I had worked through already, but never truly grieved.

Grieving is a crucial step towards forgiveness, healing and freedom!

With this revelation I proceeded to weep like a baby in a little corner of Starbucks as I waited for my hubby.  But it was such a freeing expression of sorrow.  I could now go into the next phase of A Walk Through Me without the weight of my sin (judging spirit) and realizing it is okay to grieve the loss of a trauma free childhood.  So into the vocal booth I went ready to finish off this part of my story.  I say this part because I have a long life to live and I am not going to put the mic down anytime soon.

As a christian I am not infallible.

As a counselor I know each one of us has our own traumas, issues and weaknesses.   I by no means want to or can judge who had it easier because we all live in a sinful world.

As an artist I will use the gift God has given me to spread true, Him, healing and hope.

A Walk Through Me is my story and I am but one of 6 billion people…my story is mine.  Your story is yours.  Our stories are very important.  Through them God’s glory can be seen.  When you have seen the Lord do amazing things there is no staying quiet.

I will not stay quiet.  I will sing of His love forever!!!

Vocals are done, the album is being mixed and mastered as we speak, and now it is time to spread my story all for His glory!  Stay tuned!!!

 

 

 

I had the honor in serving on the worship team a few weeks ago, one of my most favorite things to do in the whole world actually. I love standing up and watching  everyone sing to the Lord and just worship. There is something about music that gives you a freedom that nothing else could ever compare to.  On with my story….so as we were finishing up our set and it came time to do my solo part of a beautiful hymn which I have sang many times ……I opened my mouth and forgot all the words and how to read them so I  fumbled through my part and pushed on (only my boys noticed 🙂 but Ugh!

1-0 broken body is in the lead!

For those of you that don’t know, and I don’t make this known often, I have POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome). A silly little thing that causes me to pass out from blood pressure changes, to have a constant lack of O2 which causes cognitive delays and at times obvious memory loss on simple everyday things like reading or things I once memorized. POTS usually has a parent cause and that is Mast Cell Disease for me. Basically I am allergic to everything and my cells produce way to much histamine causing my body to attack itself with flushing, blood pressure changes, anaphylaxis and a variety of other things.  All that to say my word recognition was gone by the time my solo part came up.   Something I love so much proves to be so difficult.

So why did God call me to tell my story through song? Good question. All I can come up with is that He is doing it for me. He is my strength.   Yes, I can only sing for 20-30 minutes a day before my body doesn’t cooperate anymore leaving me exhausted and needing to put my feet up in the air to get my breath back.  And yes, I ask myself did He call the wrong person to do this along with the other array of questions I seem to sometimes scream out?

But, as I rewrite and iron out all the songs that will encompass my A Walk Through Me album, I am quite speechless. I may not be the strongest, most amazing performer, or even the most wonderful song writer but that is not the intent. The intent is to share my testimony to the other broken people of this world. To give hope to the broken in body, mind and spirit.  Don’t get me wrong I would love if He would heal my body and allow me to be well enough to share this with the masses, but right now I am limited.

…….I wonder if I wasn’t so limited I wouldn’t need His strength, His power and Him as much. If that’s the case I will walk broken bodied till He gives me my new one just so people know it is Him that makes me, moves me and continues to use me.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” -Romans 8:28

“We have no right to judge where we should be put, or to have preconceived notions as to what God is fitting us for. God engineers everything; wherever He puts us, our one great aim is to pour out a whole-hearted devotion to Him in that particular work. “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might.” My Utmost for His Highest, April 23, 773 L”.

As I sat and read this tonight, before I sat down to write this I was thinking, “ok I need to get on my blog and write something so inspirational, amazing, and thoughtful to wrap up this years experience”.  I want so badly to impress those of you who actually read this, so I try really hard to come up with just the right words and structure.

…..But then I read my favorite devotional and well it was a kick in the pants!

Impressing you with my blogging skills (which are lacking) is not what He calls me to do; sharing my story all for His glory is.  So as I refocus from this much needed reminder from God, here is my year in review:

*Brought our daughter home from India (actually that was Oct. 2016)

*Answered His call to start telling my story through music (hence Music by Rachel Moore)

*Experienced rejection beyond what our humanness can understand but I am coming out of it understanding just how much God loves us even though we fight, push and try to keep away from Him.

*Put our kids back in public school after years of homeschooling

*Started feeling  my age creep up by realizing I can no longer take it when my kids put something right up in my face to look at (I can’t see that well that close up anymore).  Many other subtle changes too but I don’t want to all list my almost forty glories on my blog…….

*Survived the first year with five kids which includes now two teenagers!!!! Might I add I am still sane…..most of the time!

*Discovered that I no longer have patience to argue things that are really not important to the grand scheme of life….trying to focus more of His grand scheme instead of the worlds.

There is so much more but I might not have anything else to blog about in the upcoming months if I go on.  So in conclusion this has been an amazing year, one with tears, fears, so much cheer.   I can tell you this I would have never in my wildest imagination ever could have thought He would have called me to sing, let alone share my story through our music.  Never!

I can tell you this that as the year of 2018 creeps up on us I know without a shadow of a doubt I will wholehearted devote my songs to Him…..despite my own doubts, my critiques words, and satan’s unrelenting nagging to just give up!  The Lord has put me here; I will serve Him without fear!!

Let me leave you with this beautiful family New Year’s picture compliments of my brother’s superior shopping skills! Thanks Caleb!

 

One more thing – What will you do this coming year?  Follow the world’s view of success or His plan for you?

We all have them….those things that make us cringe when we think about the possibilities.  What if I get up there and just loose it?  I am totally not the right person for this?  He should have called someone else because I really stink at this type of ministry.   We can come up with a hundred different reasons for not doing something He has called us to do, but when it comes down to it what we are dealing with is fear.  Fear or better yet our own insecurities.

When the Lord called me to this ministry I seriously thought….WHAT!  I am so not the right person.  I make so many mistakes.  I am constantly hoarse or clearing my throat.  I am not even at the point where I can stand and sing without getting weak.  Why in the world would You call me to this!!!!?

Wahhh wahhhh wahhhh!!

Why not?

Doesn’t His word say “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians  4:13)?

This is my story….and His story.  He will get all the glory from this telling of one girl’s story.

 

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing” (Ecclesiastes 3: 1-22).

I don’t know about you but when I read these words I somewhat cringe!  There is a time for everything which means time changes things.  I like to think of myself as very spontaneous; actually before our kids my husband and I once got in the car to go to church and went to Vegas for the weekend instead without anything but the clothes on our backs.  But the spontaneity it takes to ride the endless changes of life are a bit overwhelming at times even for those of us who think we can handle any change.

With Thanksgiving only a couple days away I find myself pondering and looking at what God has given us this year, what He has taken and how I am responding.  Change happens!  With change comes a new normal…. A new normal is scary when it first starts out; either scary good or scary bad but a new normal is scary.   We have a new normal in our house since last year and I can’t begin to tell you how scary it is.  Our kids are all in school, I am now a mother to five, I have started to tell my story to the world, and we have lived in the same place for more then three years.  This is our new normal or season.

Do I miss the comfy season that I once knew? Of course because I knew what I was doing, I was in my comfort zone. Now I am totally out of it and left feeling like a flopping fish out of the water.

 

That is when He whispers very softly “Be still and know that I am God” Proverbs 46:10.  Some of the most simple but most powerful words spoken by Jehovah – Jireh (The Lord our Provider, the see’r and Provider of our needs).  He knows what we need.  He knew that taking me out of my comfort zone into a new normal wouldn’t break me (well not yet :)) but build me at the same time.   I am incredibly thankful for that because with each new normal comes new possibilities of growth, adventure and beauty.  And yes it also comes with pain but beauty can come from so much pain; take childbirth or even gardening.   Inevitably I know that He wants what is best for me, that I do not doubt, but sometimes the process and the new season take time to turn into just plain normal.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Are you in a new normal right now that makes you feel like you are gasping for air?  Or are you waiting?

Being thankful for each season isn’t always easy but the beauty each season brings is well worth it all.

I mentioned in my last post how important it is to me to be real with my music, my story and His calling for me.  Being real in a world of fake cheese, fake hair, fake leather, fake meat, and even fake people; is so important!  Things can be sugar coated, painted over, and fixed to look perfect but underneath it all it is still a mess.  The truth is everyone is a mess!   When I was faking life I thought I was alone.   A few kids later and many mom and baby classes later come to find out; nope there is not one person with it all together.

What good are we doing when we hide our mess?  When we hide the pain, confusion, sorrow and helplessness we are experiencing from others how is that helping them or us?

I have come to find it does not help anyone to keep the hurt inside.  So while writing my songs I tend to spill it all out.  I have found amazing peace and inspiration in doing this.

So do me a favor….if you are reading this spill some of your struggles out in the comments.  Then let God have it.  Amazing things will happen.

Depression really did once define me.  I was so lost in that fog that life was just something I had to fake;  although some days I couldn’t even do that.   I know there are many of you out there who walk through this fog today like I did for most of my life.  It is a lonely, empty place.  My song Insanity only touches on a small amount of emotions, feeling and thoughts I went through during those years.  Nothing could snap me out of it, didn’t matter if the happiest things were going on around me, I was so stuck.

When God told me to share my story I thought okay I will leave out the real stuff as to not have to reveal too much of me.  Yeah….that was not going to work.  He called me to be transparent.  To be real in a world that seems to want fake.  Fake is no longer something I can even attempt.  I got tired of faking life.  Life is too short to only touch on the easy subjects and pretend that everything is peachy.  Life is hard!  It is short! And it is real!

When He healed my depression I knew I could not stay quiet about it.  I was hopeless, He took that away!  I will not be quiet about that!   So my music is real.  It is raw and it is me!  I don’t claim to be the best all I claim is that Jesus is my everything and I sing and write for Him.

 

Continuing with my story, my song Insanity stems from years of depression. From the time I was five I would ask God to take my life so I could be with Him instead of here on earth. So young and hurt so bad I wanted to die. These feelings and thoughts continued for 25 years off and on I struggled with severe depression. The first verse in Insanity touches on this struggle beginning at such a young age.

The choruses in this song stem from my ongoing prayer to Him and it is also taken from the Psalms. So many times I felt like I was going insane. I couldn’t control my thought process or find joy in life when I should have had so much. All I wanted to be was sane, thus “make me sound”.

I got to a place where I just lived life and hid my depression very well. Which I discuss in my second verse I was able to get through the days with a fake facade, but inside I was screaming for Him to save me. Thus the bridge. I knew that God had the power to heal me…I just kept screaming for Him to take it.

The third verse touches on all the worldly helps I tried through the years to snap me out of the depression. There are so many things out there that claim to cure depression but nothing worked I was still so lost. My mind continued to betray what I wanted…sanity.

The outro of Insanity touches on His healing. At thirty-one after over 25 years of severe depression I was walking outside in New Mexico and realized I had a zeal for life. He took it away!! I am in awe when I think about that moment I realized I was no longer under that cloud. He healed me, He is the one true healer. Now His glory will always shine through my story.